How to build a better relationship this Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is coming – a time to celebrate love and relationships. For many, relationships can be challenging, at times causing pain or conflict.

Bonnie Moehle, author of "What is Happiness and Where Can I Get Some," says there are a few key common denominators among those experiencing joyful and fulfilling relationships.

We sat down with Moehle for a Q & A about what you need to know to make the most of your relationships and your Valentine’s Day a celebration of love.

ABC 15: So many couples enter a relationship thinking they can change the other person. Why is it so important to accept each other as we are? Moehle: Most couples don’t know how to love unconditionally – “If you love me then you will meet all of my expectations. If don’t meet them you must not love me enough.” You have to accept your significant other fully for who they are.

That is unconditional love. Let go. Allow your partner to be who they are. Don’t try to change them because you are uncomfortable. Look to yourself instead.

ABC 15: How does playing the blame game impact relationships?

Moehle: You and your partner have to be willing to take responsibility for your own actions and reactions and not blame each other for how you are feeling. It is your reactions that create how you feel. Not the actions of your partner. Don’t take the actions and behaviors of others personally.

ABC 15: How does what we focus on affect our relationships?

Moehle: Focusing on what you have rather than on what you don’t have is vital to successful relationships. Focus on what you love about each other, not what you might dislike. What you focus on will determine the way you experience your partner.

ABC 15: What makes successful relationships successful?

Moehle: Couples who have successful relationships see the tough moments as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.

ABC 15: How can viewers have a love-filled Valentine’s Day even if they are not currently in a relationship?

Moehle: If you are not in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, focus on you. Love and nurture yourself – do something you love, have a day of pampering. Simply enjoy your own company or the company of friends and family.

Simple tips to keep in mind:
1. Practice the art of allowing – you can’t change your partner
2. No blame – take responsibility for your own reactions
3. Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have
4. See the difficult moments as opportunities