Women put quality before quantity when it comes to sex

MOST men in heterosexual relationships feel they are not having enough sex, but seem more satisfied than women with the sex they are having, an Australian study has found.

Whether we have our desired amount of sex influences not only how happy we are with our sex life, but also our overall relationship, the researchers found. Their study of more than 6500 men and women in regular relationships showed 54 per cent of men and 42 per cent of women were not satisfied with the amount of sex they were having.

But while the dissatisfied men overwhelmingly wanted more sex, one-third of the dissatisfied women wanted less. The study's co-author, Juliet Richters, of the School of Public Health and Community Medicine at the University of NSW, said often women preferred sex involving more than traditional intercourse. When this was not forthcoming, they could lose interest. "They are just not getting the sex they want," she said. "We have this idea that sex should revolve around intercourse and that favours the man of course,'' she said.

This mismatch in expectations could partly explain why the women were less likely to be satisfied with their relationship despite being more satisfied with the amount of sex they were having, the research team wrote in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Associate Professor Richters said the groups of men most likely to want less sex were aged 16 to 24, or those who had been in their relationship less than one year. "If you look at some of the research it seems it often takes men of that age about a year to commit to a relationship, or longer," she said. "There are quite a lot of men who seem to get into relationships and start having sex and they are not at all sure that is what they want.''The researchers said middle age seemed to be particularly unsatisfying for men.

''It may be no coincidence that this is when many couples face competing demands on their time, such as as juggling careers and raising a young family,'' they said. ''It may also be possible that some women desire sex more often earlier in a relationship, or feel safer refusing sex in longer, more established relationships.''