Attract Loving Relationships

George Burns once quipped, "Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." His words are true indeed. However, love does show up in one's attitudes and actions. When a relationship does not feel as loving as it could, three ingredients are conspicuous by their absence. They are admiration, respect, and freedom.

A client called one morning, complaining that his supervisor and co-workers did not notice him or appreciate the work he did. I asked him, "Do you have a need that is unfulfilled?" He replied, "Yes, I think I need recognition for what I do.

In seeking recognition, people are usually looking for something that recognition actually provides. I asked, "What if we used the word admiration instead of recognition--would it sound accurate?" He exclaimed, "Yes! That's it exactly." Then I asked, "How much admiration do you feel for your supervisor and co- workers, and how do you express it to them?"

As it turned out, this individual was feeling a void for admiration in his personal relationships as well as his career relationships. However, he was also leaving a void in his relationship partners by not expressing the admiration for them that he needed for himself.

Wise words from scripture state, "As you give, so shall you receive." This wisdom could not be truer when it comes to relationships. Relationships need steady, gentle nurturing if they are to grow and thrive. All people need some degree of validation from the people in their lives. To provide that validation, we need to tell others, with simple and sincere compliments, that they are valuable human beings.

Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see." Richard Bach wrote, "Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." We begin with a healthy self-esteem--a loving relationship with our inner being. Then we allow that self-image to permeate our relationships. In this way, we operate from a mindset of abundance--an inner security and certainty that we have plenty of love to share. When we send love into our relationships, our relationships return love to us.

In addition to admiration, respect and freedom are two important ingredients for nurturing a loving relationship. When we choose to give respect and freedom, we also divine trust, integrity, forgiveness, and understanding from the relationship. We allow others to be who they are, as we would want them to allow us to be who we are. The key lies in our reactions--how we reenact, or restructure internally, what others say and do. We might not approve of another person's action; however, we can choose to separate the person from the action--to love the person, and possibly, come to understand and forgive his or her action.

Here is an insightful quote that describes respect and freedom in relationships.

"Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." ~ Kaleel Jamison

Begin today by giving admiration, respect, and freedom to your family, friends, and co-workers. Very soon, you will notice more admiration, respect, and freedom returned to you. These three ingredients, shared faithfully, will attract to you the loving relationships that you have always wanted.