Keeping your spirits up helps relationships

Is the conversation between yourself and co-workers negative these days? Do you and your spouse or partner argue over politics, money issues or the kids? World events, personal stress and family problems can easily sap your joy. "I used to be in a pretty good mood most of the time," says an HR director we'll call Brad. "But now that I'm having some health problems, I feel like the wind has gone out of my sails."

While we all need to address our problems fully, as best we can, there's nothing wrong with a little escape. Changing your focus to what's positive, rather than negative, can help. "I lost my job three months ago," says a man we'll call John. "Several other bad things happened in our family as well. I went from happy to miserable in the course of about three days. Help!"We've all had periods of time like John is talking about. Things seem shaky in our lives. In fact, we may wonder if our lives are going downhill.

Try these techniques to stay grounded: _Find someone to talk to. Make an appointment with an old friend, a counselor or a family member you trust. _Figure out what control you actually have. For example, could you use a job loss to propel yourself to a career you will enjoy more?

_Take small steps to fix your problems. Do something every day to move forward. Don't allow a lot of time to go by without taking some kind of action. John, mentioned above, couldn't bring himself to get out of bed after losing his job. His wife panicked and called us, because this kind of behavior didn't fit John's personality.

We coached him for several hours in order to devise a plan to help him move forward. John told us he actually hated his former job, so we encouraged him to look at this bad break as a fresh opportunity. After making a list of employers to approach, John is now busy sending out his resume. We advised John to treat his job search as a full-time job.

"I'm making it a point to cook something nice for John or go for a walk with him when I get home every night," says his wife, Courtney. "I told John that we will focus on celebrating his new job search."John is spending afternoons in the library reading books on how to sharpen his job hunting skills.

"I'm actually enjoying the process of job hunting," says John. "I'm taking small steps and trying not to push the panic button. This bad time is actually drawing my wife and me much closer."If you're extremely stressed, do work on solving your problems. But, set aside time to read, listen to music or exercise to keep weariness at bay.

"I learned the importance of switching my focus while sitting with my terminally ill father," says a friend of ours we'll call Susie. "If I listened to good music and kept a good book nearby, I could sit with him for hours and not come unraveled."

Keeping your own spirits up requires you to be a little self-centered at times. If you fail to soothe yourself, you won't have as much energy for your family and friends. Escape for a movie all by yourself on a Saturday afternoon. Or, go for a drive in the country for a couple of hours. Invest in what makes you feel good, so you can keep plugging away.