A piercing portrayal of relationships

San Antonio native Joan Crawford won an Oscar for the movie “Mildred Pierce.” Britain's Kate Winslet seems destined to win an Emmy for the TV remake. The latter's performance as Depression-era divorcée Mildred — a highly capable career woman brought down by her obsessive love for her manipulative daughter — is so intimate, you'll find yourself right there with her during both the highs and disturbing lows of her life.

A warning to those who loved the Crawford movie, however: The five-part “Mildred Pierce” on HBO, which kicks off with a two-part block at 8 and continues on subsequent Sundays through April 10, is strikingly different from its 1945 predecessor. It's earthier and much more faithful to the James M. Cain novel's psychological theme of tug-of-war between a mother and daughter. The original movie explored this aspect, but added a thriller element, complete with a murder involving the main characters.

Director Todd Haynes (“Far From Heaven”), who co-wrote this adaptation, said he loved the old film, calling it “a beautifully stylized piece of Hollywood operatic noir film making.” However, he was even more taken by the “modern, contemporary and approachable” book.

“I was so startled and surprised by reading the James M. Cain novel,” Haynes told TV critics at a recent HBO press session, featuring the director and three of the mini's stars, “at how incredibly frank (he was) and how much he was really purposefully trying to not do a film noir as he'd come to be known for in ‘The Postman Always Rings Twice' and ‘Double Indemnity,' but really a realistic portrait of a mother-daughter relationship.”

Right away, we're introduced to turmoil. We see Mildred hard at work in her Glendale, Calif., home baking cakes and pies for neighbors to bring in extra money to make up for her out-of-work husband's lack of income. It doesn't take long for Mildred to toss him out. She then struggles to make a living for her family by, first, waiting tables, and later, opening her own restaurant.

More important than the plot, however, are Mildred's relationships. First and foremost is her unreasonable devotion to her snob of a daughter, Veda, who makes her displeasure with her middle class circumstances known at every turn. The movie also explores Mildred's complex relationships with men, particularly Monty (Guy Pearce), a rakishly handsome fellow with an upper-crust background who nonetheless ends up living off Mildred.

In keeping with the book's candor, the miniseries delivers frank depictions of Mildred's sexuality. The open sensuality of her encounters — complete with nudity — is bound to surprise fans of the more modest original movie.

Winslet praised Cain's honesty, describing his characters as “very real people experiencing very real emotions.” The Oscar-winning actress was attracted to the project for many reasons, but primary was “this unbelievably intense relationship between Mildred and Veda,” she said. “Every mother-daughter relationship is complex and complicated for its own different set of reasons, but this one, it was just something else because Mildred was in a position constantly where she didn't know whether to love her or kill her.”

Winslet conveys these complexities beautifully, as do the actresses who depict the relationship's other half. Veda is portrayed by two: Morgan Turner plays her from age 11 into her teens, imbuing her with a fierceness that makes you cringe.

Evan Rachel Wood gives the grown-up Veda an even scarier quality — an icy disregard for others that's compared in the miniseries to a snake's. “That character almost killed me,” Wood said. “She's just warped at such an early age.”

She said she didn't want to play Veda “as just this bratty daughter that, you know, everyone hates,” but instead wanted to show how remarkably talented she is and why she obsesses over escaping the working-class world of her mother. She succeeds. “Mildred Pierce” is indeed an actress' dream, delivering vivid female characters, full of ambition and pain, rarely found on television.

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Why women have more relationship regrets than men

When it comes to regrets, there’s nothing like a failed romance to reveal the emotional gulf between the sexes. For while it seems a man can walk away from a relationship with barely a second thought, his lover may worry for years about what she did wrong. More than twice as many women as men in a study said they had made mistakes with ex-partners – 44 per cent compared with 20 per cent.

Relationship expert Jean Hannah Edelstein said it showed that women felt they were ‘more responsible for the emotional side of the relationship’. ‘Women are more inclined to look inwardly to identify reasons why a relationship broke down than men,’ she added.

‘They are also more likely to think they were to blame and that it was their fault and will ask themselves, “What is it about me that I could have done differently?”. ‘Men, if they ask themselves those questions, would be something like, “What was their problem?”, or what else was going on in their life at the time.

‘Too few men admit to regret because they think it is unmasculine, but they should consider reflecting more. ‘Honest reflection after a relationship can never be a bad thing.’The telephone survey asked 370 adults aged between 19 and 103 what they considered their biggest single regret to be.

The most common disappointment was romance, with nearly one in five of those questioned saddened that a relationship hadn’t worked. Not surprisingly, perhaps, single women were most likely to regret the one that got away.

In second place were family problems, with 16 per cent wishing they had not argued with loved ones.

A sense of failure over education came third (13 per cent), followed by regrets over careers (12 per cent), money problems (10 per cent) and parenting errors (9 per cent). The study, which will be published in the journal Social Psychological & Personality Science, was carried out by American researchers at Northwestern University in Chicago.

Lead author Professor Neal Roese said that although regret may be upsetting, it can be a good thing. He added: ‘There are ways regret feels bad, but on average regret is a helpful emotion. The most helpful way to experience regret is to feel it deeply, get over it quickly and move on and use it to push you to new behaviours that are going to be helpful.

‘The longer-ago regrets tend to focus on lost opportunities, things you could have done or should have done different. More recent regrets tend to focus on things you did do that you wish you could take back.’

Even though the study reinforces the idea that women mourn failed relationships and reflect on their failures while men appear ready to move on straight away without looking back, earlier research found that almost twice as many women as men wish they had married someone else.

More than 20 per cent of married women said that if they could go back in time they would change their husband, compared with 12 per cent of married men.

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Keeping your spirits up helps relationships

Is the conversation between yourself and co-workers negative these days? Do you and your spouse or partner argue over politics, money issues or the kids? World events, personal stress and family problems can easily sap your joy. "I used to be in a pretty good mood most of the time," says an HR director we'll call Brad. "But now that I'm having some health problems, I feel like the wind has gone out of my sails."

While we all need to address our problems fully, as best we can, there's nothing wrong with a little escape. Changing your focus to what's positive, rather than negative, can help. "I lost my job three months ago," says a man we'll call John. "Several other bad things happened in our family as well. I went from happy to miserable in the course of about three days. Help!"We've all had periods of time like John is talking about. Things seem shaky in our lives. In fact, we may wonder if our lives are going downhill.

Try these techniques to stay grounded: _Find someone to talk to. Make an appointment with an old friend, a counselor or a family member you trust. _Figure out what control you actually have. For example, could you use a job loss to propel yourself to a career you will enjoy more?

_Take small steps to fix your problems. Do something every day to move forward. Don't allow a lot of time to go by without taking some kind of action. John, mentioned above, couldn't bring himself to get out of bed after losing his job. His wife panicked and called us, because this kind of behavior didn't fit John's personality.

We coached him for several hours in order to devise a plan to help him move forward. John told us he actually hated his former job, so we encouraged him to look at this bad break as a fresh opportunity. After making a list of employers to approach, John is now busy sending out his resume. We advised John to treat his job search as a full-time job.

"I'm making it a point to cook something nice for John or go for a walk with him when I get home every night," says his wife, Courtney. "I told John that we will focus on celebrating his new job search."John is spending afternoons in the library reading books on how to sharpen his job hunting skills.

"I'm actually enjoying the process of job hunting," says John. "I'm taking small steps and trying not to push the panic button. This bad time is actually drawing my wife and me much closer."If you're extremely stressed, do work on solving your problems. But, set aside time to read, listen to music or exercise to keep weariness at bay.

"I learned the importance of switching my focus while sitting with my terminally ill father," says a friend of ours we'll call Susie. "If I listened to good music and kept a good book nearby, I could sit with him for hours and not come unraveled."

Keeping your own spirits up requires you to be a little self-centered at times. If you fail to soothe yourself, you won't have as much energy for your family and friends. Escape for a movie all by yourself on a Saturday afternoon. Or, go for a drive in the country for a couple of hours. Invest in what makes you feel good, so you can keep plugging away.

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World Premiere of Kin, Bathsheba Doran's Meditation on Relationships, Opens in NYC

Bathsheba Doran's Kin, a drama with humor about the extended families of a would-be couple — an American scholar and an Irish personal trainer — opens in a world-premiere engagement at Off-Broadway's Playwrights Horizons March 21. Kristen Bush and Patch Darragh are featured as the couple in question.

Obie Award winner Sam Gold, who directed PH's hit run of Circle Mirror Transformation in 2009-10, stages the new play on the company's Mainstage. Previews began Feb. 25.

According to Playwrights Horizons: "Anna (Kristen Bush), an Ivy League poetry scholar, and Sean (Patch Darragh), an Irish personal trainer, hardly seem destined for one another. But as their web of disparate family and friends crosses great distances — both psychologically and geographically — an unlikely new family is forged. Bathsheba Doran's play sheds a sharp light on the changing face of kinship in the expansive landscape of the modern world.

The cast includes Tony Award nominee Suzanne Bertish (Nicholas Nickleby), Bill Buell ("John Adams"), Kristen Bush (A Touch of the Poet), Patch Darragh (The Glass Menagerie), Laura Heisler (Coram Boy), Matthew Rauch (The Merchant of Venice), Cotter Smith (Next Fall), Kit Flanagan (Broadway's All My Sons in 1987) and Molly Ward (Three Sisters).

Kin has scenic design by Paul Steinberg, costume design by David Zinn, lighting design by Jane Cox and sound design by Matt Tierney. The white framework of the set is manipulated by the actors to form shifting playing areas, covering many years in the growth of the characters.

Doran's plays include Parents' Evening (Flea Theater); Living Room in Africa (Off-Broadway for Edge Theater); Nest (commissioned and produced by Signature Theater in Arlington, VA); Until Morning (BBC Radio 4); adaptations of The Blind, Peer Gynt and Great Expectations; and her play for young audiences, Ben and The Magic Paintbrush (South Coast Rep). She is a recipient of the Helen Merrill Playwriting Award and three Lecomte du Nouy Lincoln Center playwriting awards. She was a Cherry Lane Mentor Project Fellow and a Susan Blackburn Award finalist. Her work has been developed by MTC, the O'Neill Theatre Center, Lincoln Center, Sundance Theater Lab and Playwrights Horizons. Doran studied at Cambridge and Oxford universities before working as a television comedy writer with the BBC. She moved to the United States on a Fulbright Scholarship in 2000, and received her MFA from Columbia University and went on to become a playwriting fellow of The Juilliard School. She is currently under commission from Atlantic Theater and Playwrights Horizons and Schtanhaus in London.

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Relationships are all about the timing

College is all about having fun, meeting new people, going out and just having a good time. Relationships can and are a part of this mixture of college. However, if not timed right in one's college journey, they will end in a break up. It's a subtle combination of being ready to settle down and finding the person who makes you happy.

Being in relationship as an underclassman really doesn't make a ton of sense in my opinion. You have just entered the next four years of your life in which you will make lifelong friends, develop long-lasting ties and meet tons of people from the opposite sex.

Why tie yourself down with one person and then causing unnecessary tension in your relationship because one of you is unhappy about what the other one is doing? Sure a casual "hangout buddy" to watch a movie with and talk to is healthy, but being involved seriously this early in your college career rarely works. I've seen it happen hundreds of times, to some good people I've known, where something gets in the way of the relationship when they are underclassman. ‘Why fight it?' is my answer. Do your own thing.

However, reaching that junior and senior level is when settling down really hits you. You can't do some of the stuff you used to do when going out and it is almost time to go out in the real world. This is when relationships can really blossom into a long-term commitment. I, myself, hit the jackpot in finding a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've seen other people my age search for the same thing and find it in their later years of college.

It's a natural occurrence. It just happens and it's a great thing to have. It's comforting to know that you can count on a significant other to talk to about the in's and out's of life that seem so distant when you're an underclassman but are now so clear as you get older.

It's great knowing you'll have someone to come back to when your day is over. Relationships can really hit their stride because of a maturity and sense of wanting a significant other. The timing is just right.

All-in-all, just make sure it's a well-timed decision to get into a relationship. If you feel like it's going to hinder what you really want at the time, then don't do it. But if it's truly what you want and want for when you get out of college go for it. And for all you still searching-Love will find a way to your hearts.

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Lack of Support from Partner Linked to Pregnancy Blues

It is well-known that pregnancy is meant to be a joyous time however some women experience overwhelming 'baby blues' before the birth of their child.

Anxiety and depression during pregnancy can result in premature birth, or low birth weight, and impact the child's health even into early school years. New research published in BioMed Central's open access journal BMC Public Health shows that a bad relationship with their husband or partner is the strongest predictor of maternal emotional distress.

A Norwegian study involving almost 50,000 mums-to-be looked at how these women felt about their work, family or partner, and compared their bouts of illness, alcohol and smoking habits. The amount of support women received from their partners had the strongest link with mental health; those women who were most unhappy with their relationships were the most likely to be depressed.

Illness and troubles at work were also linked to prenatal emotional distress as were problems with alcohol in the preceding year. However a good relationship was a buffer against most everyday stresses. Women who were happy with their partner were better able to cope with difficulties at work, lack of money, or other stressful situations such as moving house or being ill.

While older mothers seemed to be better able to cope during pregnancy, young mums struggled more. Gun-Mette Røsand from the Norwegian Institute of Public Health said, "Failure to recognise and treat emotional distress during pregnancy stores up problems for both mother and child, and impacts continuing family welfare. It is important that antenatal courses should include relationship classes and that close attention should be paid to women who lack the support of a good relationship."

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Women wear the pants in most romantic relationships

FEMINISM has always had a love-hate relationship with sex. Many men blame feminism for ruining their relationships and sex lives. Zuko Mathyila, a male activist in Cape Town, blames feminism for ruining a lot of marriages and relationships in South Africa.

He blames the feminist media for telling women and men that women should only have sex when they feel like it and to disregard men's needs. He says this message has become common in mainstream women magazines, schools and counselling rooms.

"Studies show that 60percent of the married couples out there have sex about once a week. For most husbands that is equal to a hunger diet of sex once a week or less. "The feminists would say that a woman should not allow herself to be a 'sexual slave' to her husband. This is plain selfishness."

Mathyila also blames feminism for messing up love lives, marriages and families.

"Yes, feminism has done well in opening doors for equal rights for women financially and politically but it has ruined a lot of marriages," he says.

"A lot of women take the boardroom masculine attitude into their bedrooms. Women forget that we fall in love with them because they are feminine, sexually available, loving and appreciative. "Feminism has made them fussy, neurotic whiners."Mathyila says one thing he has learnt about feminism is that it is not about equality between the sexes, but female supremacy.

He complains that feminism has got men so twisted in the head that they're afraid to be a little aggressive and sexually playful lest they are charged with date rape. "Love has become a mystery. Many men are suffering identity crises on a daily basis. Men simply don't know what being a man actually means anymore.

"They fear women won't like them if they display the characteristics that make men masculine. They think it's bad to do the stuff that makes men attractive in the first place.

"All the news about sexual harassment, men being chauvinists pigs when they talk to women with intentions and so on have sent confusing massages to men. "Men are afraid to approach women. You don't do anything when you see an interesting woman because you think she won't like you when she realises you approached her with sexual intentions."

Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist, agrees with Mathyila that feminism is ruining relationships. She says women have great power and influence over men, and wives in particular have tremendous power over their husbands.

"How they use this power essentially controls the relationship because women are the masters of most relationships and marriages."She says men are simple human beings who come from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the continued love, admiration, and approval from a woman. Ndlela further blames feminism for robbing women of their identities by devaluing their job description. "Millions of women whose self-esteem was derived from their role as a great mother or supportive wife were suddenly left with a low-ranking title."

She says in relationships feminists retreat from any behaviour that might be deemed submissive. This has caused them to throw out the baby with the bath water.

"They are so afraid of submission that they have forgotten how to be supportive."Mpho Malatje of Masibambane Family Group in Khayelitsha says there is nothing wrong with feminism. She says feminism is good for relationships. "A lot of male chauvinists are making young women disinterested in it but, in the long run, feminism actually makes your love life better," Malatje says.

"A lot of women have compromised their standards because they are afraid to die lonely. Fear won't actually lead you to happier romantic relationships. "What leads to happier relationships is being empowered, being honest, intentional and clear about what you want.

"And incorporating and prioritising your own needs into your romantic life means sometimes running the risk of being single for a little while and it means having some standards and not settling (for someone who is not right for you). The truth is we have too much to lose any other way."

She says if feminism has taught her anything it's that, as a woman, she should never be ashamed to ask for what she wants. "Feminism and, more generally, pluralism, have taught us that we are all individuals and the life of each person is that person's responsibility," she says.

"Having a pluralistic, and specifically feminist, view of the world and the self enhances one's ability to be a good mate. "You can't be in an emotionally mature and satisfying relationship if all you're doing is parroting the gender roles that were prescribed to you upon your birth and classification as male or female."

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